It's a grey day outside with rain and damp to add into the mix. Last night was a short one with it taking forever to shut my mind down and embrace sleep. When I woke this morning, after a nightmare filled night, the sheets were all askew as they have been in the mornings for a while.
In six days I will voluntarily place myself in the hands of strangers who, I hope, will correct an issue I have with my left kidney and this scares me. For me trust doesn't come easily and having dealt with so many people who have difficulty tying their laces my faith in my fellow man is lacking. I know, these are professionals but professionals make mistakes too.
This morning I took the time to find out how the procedure actually works and what side issues there are. I did this because I don't like going into things that can effect me in adverse ways blind. In this case I almost think being in ignorance would have been better. Where I thought the issues would be for a day or two I'm now looking forward to a couple of weeks of pain filled urination through a filter to collect kidney stone fragments.
Don't get me wrong I was expecting something like this. It's the other side effects like infection, renal hemorrhage or having to go through it a second time if the first one fails to do the job. Though these are very, very small risks (18%) they are there nevertheless. I know, stop being a baby. Well I'm doing my best not to be but the weather outside isn't helping. Yesterday was a good day because I got some stuff done and take my mind off this. Today, on the other hand is simply yukky. Well I'm sure there are projects I can find around the house to work on. As for the little doom and gloom voice in the back of my head I'm learning to tell it to shut up. For me it's time to man the fu*k up.
That's enough whining for now. Goodbye until tomorrow.